I was writing to an ex-lover of mine few days ago.. I was searching for a middle ground with someone that I cared about though ultimately didn’t work out for reasons that I won’t get into. I was lucky to have met her, and feel at loss to have her out of my life completely. Some people find it easier to move on, and draw a clear line of dilineation between past and the future. I prefer to draw my own lines not out of principle or what I do, but what feels right in my heart.
So in response to my letter to try and understand and be understood after the fact I receive the following response.
I feel people strongly, and when I see you, and your art, I see a little boy who aches to be seen and loved and appreciated and really, truly heard in a real way. You have something to say, something to share. You want a stage and you want to be believed in. You’ve never had that in a real way. You’ve always been running from some idea of something you think someone wants you to be, rather than facing the beautiful, complicated person that you are. That is why I was patient, even when I was hurting, because I felt this pain in you more strongly than all your other nonsense. That all this other nonsense is a red herring because the simplicity and vulnerability of your pain is too much.
Not sure I always agree. But tonight it feels just good to receive this. I realize with all my contradictions it’s wonderful feeling to be understood or misunderstood sometimes..