So three days ago on an especially no where day I wander.. and wonder.. It’s been months that I’ve been thinking and telling myself that I’m quitting smoking. For last few years besides smoking I’ve been chewing nicotine gum. I think it started when I tried to quit s a few years back and instead picked up an extra nicotine addiction. SO now I still smoke approximately the same amount except when I don’t have gum then I crave it even more.
So about a month or so ago I went to a doctor when I got my insurance again, to make sure I was in tip top shape, and since it’s been three years without insurance I started getting worried about everything, from STDs to Cancers and asked to be screened for everything. Check my lungs I say.. and my prostate. But apparently there is no lung check and I’m too young for prostate cancer so neither of my temporary paranoia was addressed. Okay clean bill of health on the STDs which was great but the rest I need to wait he says. This irrational growing fear wasn’t addressed. So there I was sitting there thinking that the only way to detect lung cancer is to have it at a pretty advanced stage. I think I’d fear cancer even if I wasn’t afraid of dying.. Though honestly I am of both.. Add growing old to the list and I think my fears are covered.
So to take some action I asked for Chantix.. The anti-smoking $500 miracle cure. The prescription was on my fridge for 2 months.. As I get it filled I was warned. You may have VIVID dreams. Cool. So now I’m on day three I have four more days that I can smoke, and I’m taking advantage of it. It’s either the fear of giving up my last vice or work or stress or life but I’ve been smoking even more now that I’ve been on it and feel nothing. If it doesn’t help at least I’m hoping for some vivid dreams.. Cause the way I’m feeling even those would be an improvement.