I’m used the ephemeral nature of romantic relationships. It’s probably in my nature to be drawn to newness of new connections. The honest self assessment in this regard and a high level view of my life has made me come to terms with the facts that many that start will eventually end and pass from my focus and even periphery as people move on.
This has led me to try and derive continuity and trust through friendships instead of romantic relationships. Though there has for a long time been this idea that the two have a happy intersection point where past romance can turn into friendships with a level of trust and understanding that simply isn’t there in completely platonic relationships.
These relationships with people that I’ve been intimate with can be coined “friends with history”. For many years these were my most valuable and important connections. Some had a past long term relationships, some short term flings and some just your run of the mill thing that didn’t work out. In 2015 three of the closest friendships with a history had ended.
I mourn the loss. I don’t have any principals about not stepping into the river second time. I neither feel there’s something wrong with apologizing and trying to recover something that was and has somehow failed. This series of breaks in my life I miss immensely and can’t see a way of bringing them back.
They are ES, MF and DD, and perhaps I will revisit them in future times just to sort out my thoughts on what happened.